Oh how I do enjoy my job. A trove of wonder's and horror.
Let me pose this idea.
There is a sect of people get off by sexual repression. There is a group of people like this, and they hang out with each other. They get off on not getting off. Fucking catch-22 right there. Kinda creepy too. Almost as bad as the Macroherpetophiles. i havent been lucky enough to find any of them though.
Oh well.
Tonight I did well over 100 emails. Kickin ass and taking names. Woo.
T.E.I.F.
Cant wait to go leave, get a burrito [hopefully not get robbed this time], smoke a bowl and watch a movie. Boober's comin over tomorrow night, well, tonight, to watch the first Godfather movie. For some reason there are actually people who havent seen it. I guess that there is always a generation like that. If I was born earlier Im sure i would be complaining about people not seeing Citizen Kane.
Pf to that.
One of the sociophiles has the username lets hang out together and some numbers. That idea just creeps me out. Imagine how that scene would look. 6 people in a room together, hanging out talking about nothing, getting sexually aroused at the fact that theyre all repressing sexual urges.
I dont know why but that just dosent sit well with me. Almost as bad as that sounding video i saw.
/shiver.
Oh well. Doing good at work, have a review coming up, sometime. maybe. I talked to my sup about it and he said even without a review I have a fantastic score. Said I was one of the best agents they have, and better than most the people on the floor. That makes me beam. Im going to keep doing my best until i can go up for a promotion, then rock balls some more.
Hopefully policy review. or trainer. or supervisor. But that position took people at least a year. If i keep up my attendence up, at least I cant be absent anymore unless i actually have something wrong with me or Im not able to show up. Like being sick.
Oh well.
Alright. Thats all I got. I feel like this was strained, and that, is never good.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Must be the moon
Well. Tonight is a crazy fucking night.
Preston came over early and I found out why he wasnt at work last night, and that we have to leave work 3 1/2 hours early tonight too. Apparently his Grandmother has a terminal case of skin cancer. Hes going to see her in the morning. Thats depressing. If she's Christian [or some derivative] , God bless her.
May she go peacefully.
Its times of weakness like this that affect everyone. I dont know his Grandmother, but i know mine. And I love her. His grandmother is young, and so is mine, so I can at least understand the fear and depression of the inevitable awaiting us all. Think of everything that's led them to this point. The legacy that they've helped create and sustain. A part of life is dying. Or returning.
Dark, dismal reminder of how precious our lives are. That we shouldn't take anything for granted.
Don Corleone's last word's were 'Life is so beautiful'
Never Good But Rules Of Paradise Are Never Nice
The Best Laid Plan Of Mice And Men Are Never Right
I'm Just A Vagabond With Flowers For Algernon
The Average Joe Who Knows What The Fuck Is Goin On
It's The Hope Of My Thoughts That I Travelled Upon
Fly Like An Arrow Of God Until I'm Gone
On a different note, we went to Riva's before work and I seemed to have happened upon it at the wrong time for once, or maybe it was the right time [i have a hard time differing between black and white]. As I walked in the front, a robber put his gone away, stole the money and ran out the back door. I think he ran to the Red Devil Cafe. To rob them or to hide out. Luckily, everyone was alright. The old mexican lady had tears in her vainy eyes. The old man, and what looked like the son [if Riva's is indeed family owned and operated] were angry. like they had seen that before. I know they have, I've driven by Riva's a few times with cop cars out front. Thats disappointing too. I bet the gun wasnt loaded. By the way the kid ran off when I walked in, it seemed like he was just using it for a scare, and that it wouldnt work against me. I check to see if everyone was alright, then ran to the back door, but then i lost him. I ran to the car to get preston's phone to call the cops, but the worker's inside had calmed down and called them.
Jesus. Thats why I know a lot of people with guns. They're afraid of that. They dont want their worst fear, the life around them that is totally out of their control, to pop up one day and take everything they have.
Wild west indeed.
Preston came over early and I found out why he wasnt at work last night, and that we have to leave work 3 1/2 hours early tonight too. Apparently his Grandmother has a terminal case of skin cancer. Hes going to see her in the morning. Thats depressing. If she's Christian [or some derivative] , God bless her.
May she go peacefully.
Its times of weakness like this that affect everyone. I dont know his Grandmother, but i know mine. And I love her. His grandmother is young, and so is mine, so I can at least understand the fear and depression of the inevitable awaiting us all. Think of everything that's led them to this point. The legacy that they've helped create and sustain. A part of life is dying. Or returning.
Dark, dismal reminder of how precious our lives are. That we shouldn't take anything for granted.
Don Corleone's last word's were 'Life is so beautiful'
Never Good But Rules Of Paradise Are Never Nice
The Best Laid Plan Of Mice And Men Are Never Right
I'm Just A Vagabond With Flowers For Algernon
The Average Joe Who Knows What The Fuck Is Goin On
It's The Hope Of My Thoughts That I Travelled Upon
Fly Like An Arrow Of God Until I'm Gone
On a different note, we went to Riva's before work and I seemed to have happened upon it at the wrong time for once, or maybe it was the right time [i have a hard time differing between black and white]. As I walked in the front, a robber put his gone away, stole the money and ran out the back door. I think he ran to the Red Devil Cafe. To rob them or to hide out. Luckily, everyone was alright. The old mexican lady had tears in her vainy eyes. The old man, and what looked like the son [if Riva's is indeed family owned and operated] were angry. like they had seen that before. I know they have, I've driven by Riva's a few times with cop cars out front. Thats disappointing too. I bet the gun wasnt loaded. By the way the kid ran off when I walked in, it seemed like he was just using it for a scare, and that it wouldnt work against me. I check to see if everyone was alright, then ran to the back door, but then i lost him. I ran to the car to get preston's phone to call the cops, but the worker's inside had calmed down and called them.
Jesus. Thats why I know a lot of people with guns. They're afraid of that. They dont want their worst fear, the life around them that is totally out of their control, to pop up one day and take everything they have.
Wild west indeed.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
i think its working..
But I am foolish. I know this.
I have Ordinary Joe by Terry Collier [Nujabe's remix] stuck in my head. Its part of my musical therapy.
Which is working for the most part. Thanks to Nujabe's. Fat Jon. Samurai Champloo.
Ive seen a sparrow get high, waste his time in the sk-----y
I'm stoned. At work. Newly stoned. Now how did that happen... Well, all my suspicions were correct and I was finally in the right place at the right time. A skill i take with pride on occasion.
I woke up at 3 today. I cant seem to get my old sleeping schedule back in order. Kinda sucks. But I had an engagement with Cierra at 5 so i couldn't sleep in anyway. Woke up. Ran as fast as i could to catch one of the women at the front office [of the apartment] before she left to give her December's rent check. AP was waiting outside. His tire blew again. Which is funny. We hung out for an hour or so. I played ff12, then went to get power. Cierra came over and we went to alltel to return the car charger i bought, but there was about 10 people in there waiting in front of me. SO we left. Went to Bookman's. i got a handful of comics. classics of course [Hellstorm - Son of Satan - Vault of Horror and a few Darkness] and a few books. I got To Kill A Mockingbird, Ive been jonesing to reread that for the last couple of months, Creation, by Gore Vidal, which sounds fantastic and the Picture of Dorian Gray. Figured It was about time I read that.
I only have about 50 pages left in the Godfather, and by the time this gets posted Id like to think I'll be reading Dorian. [DORIAN!!!]
Finished with the Godfather. Now its time to start reading Mr Wilde.
Hour and a Half left. Preston came over at 9:20, we left for work, we got to work, i got out and came inside. My badge didn't work, I must've forgot to badge out last night oh well. Ill just have Preston let me in. I go downstairs, and out the front to where Preston parked the Jeep, and, its gone.
I have to wait until someone else gets back from lunch to let me inside the building, and I'm late. At 10:11 i overhear some supervisors saying that Preston isn't coming in, and how strange it was that I was here. Strange indeed. If he knew he wasn't going to come to work, why didn't he just tell me? Is he going to be here when i get off? Is he sick? He looked stoned when he came over tonight, but thats nothing new. he usually arrives with cashed eyes. But the Jeep was running when I got out. He even sat there and waited for me to go inside the building before leaving.
Is he that afraid of responsibility? I mean come on. Out of the 8 hours a night we only work about 3 of them. For chrissakes we smoked a bowl on the smoking patio. I don't understand it. It doesn't seem like enough work for me, since I'm used to high-stress level jobs, and left me wanting more. But now that I'm back into reading it's helping a lot. Finish a book or 2 a week again. Not have to make time to read at home is nice too. I can concentrate on video games and comic books. That is until i start to bring in a flash drive with comics to read at work.
Meh.
Oh well. The Jeep smells like catfish bait. If he doesn't show up then I just have to wait another 2 hours to get a ride home from Paul. He took a nap the other night and didn't wake up until 5:30. He planned to go into work around 1 or 2. I knew it wasn't going to happen, I called in at 11:00 and announced that I wasn't going to be late, I would not be making it to work tonight.
But he'll be here. I'm counting on my blind faith. He took me to work, so he should be here to bring me from work. Right? Lets hope. I got 2 bowls left and a dungeon to conquer before I go to sleep.
Work has also inspired me to write more. As you can see this is the second consecutive day I've written in my blog.
The smell of old books is intoxicating. As much, perhaps even more so, than that of rain. Walking down the aisles at Bookman's or any tiny book store is a euphoric experience. The smell of aged paper, old ink and glue. If i could make it a cologne, I would, and share it with no one else.
Oscar Wilde is a very good writer.
I have Ordinary Joe by Terry Collier [Nujabe's remix] stuck in my head. Its part of my musical therapy.
Which is working for the most part. Thanks to Nujabe's. Fat Jon. Samurai Champloo.
Ive seen a sparrow get high, waste his time in the sk-----y
I'm stoned. At work. Newly stoned. Now how did that happen... Well, all my suspicions were correct and I was finally in the right place at the right time. A skill i take with pride on occasion.
I woke up at 3 today. I cant seem to get my old sleeping schedule back in order. Kinda sucks. But I had an engagement with Cierra at 5 so i couldn't sleep in anyway. Woke up. Ran as fast as i could to catch one of the women at the front office [of the apartment] before she left to give her December's rent check. AP was waiting outside. His tire blew again. Which is funny. We hung out for an hour or so. I played ff12, then went to get power. Cierra came over and we went to alltel to return the car charger i bought, but there was about 10 people in there waiting in front of me. SO we left. Went to Bookman's. i got a handful of comics. classics of course [Hellstorm - Son of Satan - Vault of Horror and a few Darkness] and a few books. I got To Kill A Mockingbird, Ive been jonesing to reread that for the last couple of months, Creation, by Gore Vidal, which sounds fantastic and the Picture of Dorian Gray. Figured It was about time I read that.
I only have about 50 pages left in the Godfather, and by the time this gets posted Id like to think I'll be reading Dorian. [DORIAN!!!]
Finished with the Godfather. Now its time to start reading Mr Wilde.
Hour and a Half left. Preston came over at 9:20, we left for work, we got to work, i got out and came inside. My badge didn't work, I must've forgot to badge out last night oh well. Ill just have Preston let me in. I go downstairs, and out the front to where Preston parked the Jeep, and, its gone.
I have to wait until someone else gets back from lunch to let me inside the building, and I'm late. At 10:11 i overhear some supervisors saying that Preston isn't coming in, and how strange it was that I was here. Strange indeed. If he knew he wasn't going to come to work, why didn't he just tell me? Is he going to be here when i get off? Is he sick? He looked stoned when he came over tonight, but thats nothing new. he usually arrives with cashed eyes. But the Jeep was running when I got out. He even sat there and waited for me to go inside the building before leaving.
Is he that afraid of responsibility? I mean come on. Out of the 8 hours a night we only work about 3 of them. For chrissakes we smoked a bowl on the smoking patio. I don't understand it. It doesn't seem like enough work for me, since I'm used to high-stress level jobs, and left me wanting more. But now that I'm back into reading it's helping a lot. Finish a book or 2 a week again. Not have to make time to read at home is nice too. I can concentrate on video games and comic books. That is until i start to bring in a flash drive with comics to read at work.
Meh.
Oh well. The Jeep smells like catfish bait. If he doesn't show up then I just have to wait another 2 hours to get a ride home from Paul. He took a nap the other night and didn't wake up until 5:30. He planned to go into work around 1 or 2. I knew it wasn't going to happen, I called in at 11:00 and announced that I wasn't going to be late, I would not be making it to work tonight.
But he'll be here. I'm counting on my blind faith. He took me to work, so he should be here to bring me from work. Right? Lets hope. I got 2 bowls left and a dungeon to conquer before I go to sleep.
Work has also inspired me to write more. As you can see this is the second consecutive day I've written in my blog.
The smell of old books is intoxicating. As much, perhaps even more so, than that of rain. Walking down the aisles at Bookman's or any tiny book store is a euphoric experience. The smell of aged paper, old ink and glue. If i could make it a cologne, I would, and share it with no one else.
Oscar Wilde is a very good writer.
Maybe I lied. Maybe I didnt.
Here is an example of my typical day on a 24 hour scale. Using my 24 hour day's.
2-7pm : Wake up. Morning Ritual includes Shower, cleaning, feeding and a cigarette.
7-9.30pm : Playing a videogame, reading or smoking a bowl. Relaxing time.
9.30-6:15am : Work.
9.45-12:00am I sign in with my card and my handprint. Occupy a cubicle and my headset, and spend 10 minutes outside smoking a cigarette.
12:00am : Break
02:00am : Break / lunch
04:00am : Break
06:00am : Home
06:00-6:15am : The drive home.
Now the time spent in between breaks is spent taking 4 phone calls. Answering emails, and reading. Tonight, so far, I have read 160 pages of the godfather. When I started working here I was able to catch up on manga such as Naruto, Bleach, Hellsing Ultimate & Gantz. The supervisor recommends that we bring in headphones and flash drives. That way we can listen to music or watch a movie in between calls. If your caught with a headset during the day, your walked out.
6:15-7/8/9:00am : Coming new's and torrent sites. Playing a videogame, reading and then a bowl before going to sleep again to start all over.
Ive been trying [not my hardest, but hard nonetheless] to get a new phone charger for about a month. I went to the usual alltel stores, but they did not have it. Last week I found an alltel store next to Fiesta mall who happened to have a charger for my phone. It was a car charger though. Which brought me to realize that it wasnt just the charger that was broken, the battery was dead as well. So now I have to take the charger back to the store [where I was not given a receipt, nor did I have to pay tax due to the stress their systems were under] and get my money back. Looks like im going to be getting a new phone. Hurray i guess.
I look to be a 100$ short this month for rent and bills because of the vacation I took to see Jamie. Oh well. I will only be short for a week. Then i wont have any money. Power, pot and cigarettes. Maybe. Good thing my work feeds me.
The clock to my left says i have an hour and 20 minutes left. The clock to my right says i have an hour and 30 minutes left. Im pretty sure we dont have any sups on the clock right now, so for tonight, just tonight, im going to go by the clock on the left.
I need to get my ps2 modded. I have to wait another week to find out if my connection has any connetions. Its a new slim ps2 model, which is unfortunate from the reverse engineer's point of view because all of the exploits of the fat ps2 are now absent. Giving me but one choice to mod it, and that is by way of the chip. So if my contact dosent have any other contacts who can do it, Ill have to do it myself. Which is risky. I'll need to borrow a soldering iron and practice on a NIC card. That was the way of Pants before me. I just want the ability to give games i would never fork out 10$ to rent a chance. If i like them Ill even buy them. Playing backups on my computer via PS2 has its advantages though. Being able to pretty much eliminate loading screens is a turn on. Especially with loading heavy games like GTA or FF.
Ending note, I love FF12, but a lot of the attire is completly impractical. That dosent mean its not pleasing, but when im supposed to be loving the story but cant stop thinking about Vaan's god damned aladdin monkey-vest its kind of hard.
Seriously Square-Enix. Wtf.
I bought Dirge of Cerberus, FF12, Dragon Quest VIII and The Thing.
Dragon Quest is so popular in Japan that its illegal for them to release a game on weekdays because of the truancy level's it produces. Beautiful. Meanwhile in Amerika, not a single person I know has played it. I'm not with the RPG exclusive crowd though. I'm the body weight I'm supposed to be with an unusually clear face and the ability to attract women. Although I don't have a car and I prefer to spend my leisure time figuring out puzzles, playing video games, reading comics and relaxing in a lightless hole. Hrm. But I have charm. I think.
Id prefer not to weigh out the pro's and con's list. Grossly inaccurate anyway.
Well. It seems like im all fuckered on writing until i actually write what im thinking. Go figure.
That last line was for me only.
fuckered is a good verb. Not to be confused with Fucked. No, this is the art of fuckery. Being fuckered around by a real judas cunt. That sort of word.
Urgh. Still the same time [about] left. I want to go home. i want to go to sleep. Got to think of something for cierra for xmas. She already got all the Preacher [bless her beautiful heart] so i cant get her any of that. I reckon I can find another comic that she might not like as much [it is Preacher] but one that she would like all the same. Like Fables. Ill have to read more of it though. Chad says its good. I read the first issue and I liked it. But im too obsessed with Swamp Thing and LSD-day's alan moore to really read any other comic.
Its cold here. Damned cold. Its supposed to be in the low 30's for the next couple of weeks. What the fuck is up with that? When the fuck was it ever this cold in December in Tempe, Arizona? It seems like not too long ago I was stuck in an apartment with a mouthful of hallucinogens sweating emotions and thoughts in a 120 degree atmosphere i-shit-you-not.
And here I am. Freezing my balls off. Gimp needs to make me that scarf. if i had that scarf, that EXACT scarf, the black one with FUCK THE SUN crochet in black and a pair of gloves. I wouldnt be bitching. But i dont so i am. Ha. !.
Times going by slow. Just cancelled a gay website for a New Zealand kiwi. Guess Ill go back to the Corleone legacy. Reading makes the time go by faster.
2-7pm : Wake up. Morning Ritual includes Shower, cleaning, feeding and a cigarette.
7-9.30pm : Playing a videogame, reading or smoking a bowl. Relaxing time.
9.30-6:15am : Work.
9.45-12:00am I sign in with my card and my handprint. Occupy a cubicle and my headset, and spend 10 minutes outside smoking a cigarette.
12:00am : Break
02:00am : Break / lunch
04:00am : Break
06:00am : Home
06:00-6:15am : The drive home.
Now the time spent in between breaks is spent taking 4 phone calls. Answering emails, and reading. Tonight, so far, I have read 160 pages of the godfather. When I started working here I was able to catch up on manga such as Naruto, Bleach, Hellsing Ultimate & Gantz. The supervisor recommends that we bring in headphones and flash drives. That way we can listen to music or watch a movie in between calls. If your caught with a headset during the day, your walked out.
6:15-7/8/9:00am : Coming new's and torrent sites. Playing a videogame, reading and then a bowl before going to sleep again to start all over.
Ive been trying [not my hardest, but hard nonetheless] to get a new phone charger for about a month. I went to the usual alltel stores, but they did not have it. Last week I found an alltel store next to Fiesta mall who happened to have a charger for my phone. It was a car charger though. Which brought me to realize that it wasnt just the charger that was broken, the battery was dead as well. So now I have to take the charger back to the store [where I was not given a receipt, nor did I have to pay tax due to the stress their systems were under] and get my money back. Looks like im going to be getting a new phone. Hurray i guess.
I look to be a 100$ short this month for rent and bills because of the vacation I took to see Jamie. Oh well. I will only be short for a week. Then i wont have any money. Power, pot and cigarettes. Maybe. Good thing my work feeds me.
The clock to my left says i have an hour and 20 minutes left. The clock to my right says i have an hour and 30 minutes left. Im pretty sure we dont have any sups on the clock right now, so for tonight, just tonight, im going to go by the clock on the left.
I need to get my ps2 modded. I have to wait another week to find out if my connection has any connetions. Its a new slim ps2 model, which is unfortunate from the reverse engineer's point of view because all of the exploits of the fat ps2 are now absent. Giving me but one choice to mod it, and that is by way of the chip. So if my contact dosent have any other contacts who can do it, Ill have to do it myself. Which is risky. I'll need to borrow a soldering iron and practice on a NIC card. That was the way of Pants before me. I just want the ability to give games i would never fork out 10$ to rent a chance. If i like them Ill even buy them. Playing backups on my computer via PS2 has its advantages though. Being able to pretty much eliminate loading screens is a turn on. Especially with loading heavy games like GTA or FF.
Ending note, I love FF12, but a lot of the attire is completly impractical. That dosent mean its not pleasing, but when im supposed to be loving the story but cant stop thinking about Vaan's god damned aladdin monkey-vest its kind of hard.
Seriously Square-Enix. Wtf.
I bought Dirge of Cerberus, FF12, Dragon Quest VIII and The Thing.
Dragon Quest is so popular in Japan that its illegal for them to release a game on weekdays because of the truancy level's it produces. Beautiful. Meanwhile in Amerika, not a single person I know has played it. I'm not with the RPG exclusive crowd though. I'm the body weight I'm supposed to be with an unusually clear face and the ability to attract women. Although I don't have a car and I prefer to spend my leisure time figuring out puzzles, playing video games, reading comics and relaxing in a lightless hole. Hrm. But I have charm. I think.
Id prefer not to weigh out the pro's and con's list. Grossly inaccurate anyway.
Well. It seems like im all fuckered on writing until i actually write what im thinking. Go figure.
That last line was for me only.
fuckered is a good verb. Not to be confused with Fucked. No, this is the art of fuckery. Being fuckered around by a real judas cunt. That sort of word.
Urgh. Still the same time [about] left. I want to go home. i want to go to sleep. Got to think of something for cierra for xmas. She already got all the Preacher [bless her beautiful heart] so i cant get her any of that. I reckon I can find another comic that she might not like as much [it is Preacher] but one that she would like all the same. Like Fables. Ill have to read more of it though. Chad says its good. I read the first issue and I liked it. But im too obsessed with Swamp Thing and LSD-day's alan moore to really read any other comic.
Its cold here. Damned cold. Its supposed to be in the low 30's for the next couple of weeks. What the fuck is up with that? When the fuck was it ever this cold in December in Tempe, Arizona? It seems like not too long ago I was stuck in an apartment with a mouthful of hallucinogens sweating emotions and thoughts in a 120 degree atmosphere i-shit-you-not.
And here I am. Freezing my balls off. Gimp needs to make me that scarf. if i had that scarf, that EXACT scarf, the black one with FUCK THE SUN crochet in black and a pair of gloves. I wouldnt be bitching. But i dont so i am. Ha. !.
Times going by slow. Just cancelled a gay website for a New Zealand kiwi. Guess Ill go back to the Corleone legacy. Reading makes the time go by faster.
leave the gun. take the cannoli's.
That line is not in the book.
I know because im currently wrist deep in the Godfather. Fantastic book. i really admire the way Mario Puzo portrays the turn of the century immigrants. Tribute. Family. Respect.
The old way.
If you do me this favor I will remember in your time of need. Don Corleone, is not a man who forgets his friends.
I was just smoking outside with two other people. 2 supervisors and a night lead came out and left. And were still overstaffed. Fantastic.
I shouldnt have to do anything the rest of the time Im here. Maybe a phone call or two.
Then home. Then bowl. Then sleep. Then Cierra tomorrow.
I thought i would have more to write about since I havent written in here in july. I seem to have been mistaken.
I guess I'll have to continue writing letters at work and blog at home between issues of Swamp Thing and dungeons in Final Fantasy XII.
delivious.
I know because im currently wrist deep in the Godfather. Fantastic book. i really admire the way Mario Puzo portrays the turn of the century immigrants. Tribute. Family. Respect.
The old way.
If you do me this favor I will remember in your time of need. Don Corleone, is not a man who forgets his friends.
I was just smoking outside with two other people. 2 supervisors and a night lead came out and left. And were still overstaffed. Fantastic.
I shouldnt have to do anything the rest of the time Im here. Maybe a phone call or two.
Then home. Then bowl. Then sleep. Then Cierra tomorrow.
I thought i would have more to write about since I havent written in here in july. I seem to have been mistaken.
I guess I'll have to continue writing letters at work and blog at home between issues of Swamp Thing and dungeons in Final Fantasy XII.
delivious.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
stfu
Tonight is another beautiful night. The kind of night where you can go outside, hear the reverb of Whitewash, and realize your insignificance.
The window is open, a stale air rolls trough. Summer's dying fast but manages to keep one foot in the game, today being the hottest day of autumn for a few weeks.
Its only 88 outside.
I havent seen my father in 2 years. I've never seen Jamie.
Thats all going to change very soon.
I wish this apartment didnt feel like a prison. If only i had enough strength to open the locks myself. But thats what my training is all about.
Being one. Being the anti. Being the pro.
I have been getting better at controlling my anger. Some of the time, i cant help it, and forget to save face.
Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.
i hate sleeping alone.
The window is open, a stale air rolls trough. Summer's dying fast but manages to keep one foot in the game, today being the hottest day of autumn for a few weeks.
Its only 88 outside.
I havent seen my father in 2 years. I've never seen Jamie.
Thats all going to change very soon.
I wish this apartment didnt feel like a prison. If only i had enough strength to open the locks myself. But thats what my training is all about.
Being one. Being the anti. Being the pro.
I have been getting better at controlling my anger. Some of the time, i cant help it, and forget to save face.
Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.
i hate sleeping alone.
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Friday, September 21, 2007
metal? we dont need no stinking metal!
So i want to try an experiment and see if it helps any. music affects moods and i listen to the 2 extremes. black metal. pure hatred. and chill music. i feel like im in a much better mood while listening to say Tsutchie or Fat Jon than Leviathan or Marduk.
Not that i dont love Metal. But, i want to try something. For as long as i can remember ive been saying im two people, characterized by music. rock lobster and i am the black wizards, was written in an old high school notebook.
So, here goes. Night 1 without any metal. If you don't believe me just check my last.fm http://www.last.fm/user/shazmaru
not that anyone reads this but i like to delude myself by thinking i have an audience.
SO first thing first split metal and other music into the 2 folders. Just so i can unite them at a later point, but to make listening to music easier on amarok. Ill just take the Metal albums out.
so we'll see how that goes.
on another note, i need to get laid. and a job. then i need to find a smart mousy wild-in-bed girl who gets stoned and watches lupin by herself..
cause thats what im doing O_o
Not that i dont love Metal. But, i want to try something. For as long as i can remember ive been saying im two people, characterized by music. rock lobster and i am the black wizards, was written in an old high school notebook.
So, here goes. Night 1 without any metal. If you don't believe me just check my last.fm http://www.last.fm/user/shazmaru
not that anyone reads this but i like to delude myself by thinking i have an audience.
SO first thing first split metal and other music into the 2 folders. Just so i can unite them at a later point, but to make listening to music easier on amarok. Ill just take the Metal albums out.
so we'll see how that goes.
on another note, i need to get laid. and a job. then i need to find a smart mousy wild-in-bed girl who gets stoned and watches lupin by herself..
cause thats what im doing O_o
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